But We Are Reaching

I have climbed the ladder of suspicion
one shaky rung at a time,
beating back the jaws of betrayal and
its snarling offspring, mistrust.

Yes, I have been lied to,
I have been used;
but I have been the liar and the user too...
Scarred truth carved into my tongue, and I
spit out the stitches of deception.

Yes I have been cheated on,
splayed and nailed
to the sheets of dishonor,
swaddled in the blankets of broken promises, the
crucified victim of my own willingness to surrender;
But I have been the cheater too.......

In those secret couplings,
some which I sought after, more
that I disdained, but gave into anyway.
And I didn’t tell my lover at the time
That I had spent my afternoon
fondled, branded and owned for a meaningless hour
by hands I couldn’t even remember.

My own shame over riding any pleasure as well as
all the guilty pain...I kept my secret in a vault called numb.
So its my own failing that keeps me climbing,
my own wretched, lovely humanity
that allows me to ascend the ladder of suspicion...

Lacing each fearful finger thru the frail hand
of one who will surely fail me,
just as surly as I will no doubt, fail them.
But we are reaching! We are touching!
Where we dance the light fantastic
on the head of our own sins....

But that I still can trust just enough,
knowing how frail we both are,
means that in the end, I win.